Ambulance Girl injured by parachute bomb

October 1940

Monday 14th Dolphin

My punishment for talking back to Mustard Gas is one day docked pay. At £1.18.9d a week, it shouldn't be too painful. Must also write letter to Mustard Gas apologising for disruption. He thinks my attitude poses a danger to Civil Defence and the whole of London. Harvey doesn't think Regional Headquarters took his complaint seriously, but she says they had to do something to make Mustard Gas happy. I can work a day with no pay or stay home. My choice. I think I’ll work to spite him.

Tuesday 15 Oct, Denbigh

Jerries raiding outside. We’re sitting in our mattress house. It’s full moon tonight so we’re easy targets. You can smell in the air, even the mattress house in the cellar. Noise is constant. Seems to be getting louder and closer.
I’d rather be out in the middle of it than in here in the dark in this stupid mattress house. If I can see it, then I can move out of the way. In here you’re just a sitting duck, hiding like a coward.
I’m getting better at picking out the sounds: the drones of incoming Jerries, the bang-bang-bang of ack ack fire, swishing and swooshing of incoming bombs, the deep bone-rattling booms of explosions and dead thud when they don't, the ting-ting-ting of flying shrapnel and glass, the crackle of fires, clanging of fire brigades, the hiss of spraying water, the squeal of a burnt child or moan of a burning wall just before it collapses. When you’re outside, everything is sharper and you can see. In here it’s dull.

Later
Candle’s flickering. Hard to see. Perkins won’t let us light another. Says it’s a waste. She’s over there now knitting and putting on her little show like Himself says. You have to be brave and show Jerry that we can’t be broken. That’s Perkins. Can’t break her. She’s made of stone.
Later
Had terrible row with Perkins. Night full of Blitz. Bombs swooshing down and exploding so close you can feel the walls wobble. Thought I could hear something in the house. Crying. Checked every room but couldn't find anything. Perkins said I was being silly. But I could hear it. Crying, like a child’s. Perkins says it’s because I go back to the bombsites to see the damage when I should just forget everything. I can’t forget. Perkins says you have to. But I’m not going to forget because I’m going to tell people about this when it’s over. Maybe even before. I want people to know the sound of little children cries. Perkins wouldn’t hear it and said I should button up. Loose lips sink ships.

Later
The bombs coming closer, getting louder, whole house shaking. Saw candlelit fear on Perkin's face.

Later
Now she’s singing that wretched Roll out the bleedin’ Barrel. Top of her lungs. Trying to drown out Jerry with Roll out the Barrel. And she won’t stop. I want to pull tear out my hair. Or her’s. I told her to button up but she just went on singing: We'll have a barrel of fun. Ho Ho Ho! Isn’t it fun. Maybe we’ll take a direct hit and have a real barrel of fun.

Later
Whole house wrenched. That one too close. Someone's world is crushed. Perkins still singing. Still hear cries in house. Getting louder. Make it stop. Make Perkins stop. Make Jerries stop. Make little cries stop.

Later
Put my hand over Perkins’ mouth to make her stop. She bit it. I shouted, telling her to stop lying. We're not having a barrel of fun! We’re scared and exhausted, sick with worry and no amount of silly singing will change that!
Perkins says I’m as bad as Jerry, an enemy of Britain. If we lost the war she will hold me responsible because I'm a moaner and moaners sink spirits and if spirits sink, London sinks.
Not talking to P now.

?????
Don’t know the day. Can’t think of where I am right now.
Bells ringing in my ears. Big clangers. They get louder… closer.. then they fade. Throat is raw with grit. I can taste bitter cordite in my nose and in windpipe. When I blow nose brick dust comes out of my nose. My hand has a terrible shake. My handwriting is different. Must write so I don't forget.

Later
Right leg throbbing just above the knee. Head itchy on one side. Head isn't behaving properly. Where am I?

Later…
What day is it? Desperate for sleep. Perkins always sleeps. Not me.

Later
Woke in a sweat, shaking. Wanted to scream but kept seeing Perkins’ face. You can only sing. You can’t scream. Severed fingers and children with scalps burnt off, their parents in agony. Burnt flesh. You can smell it. But we sing, we don’t scream. This is Blitzkrieg.

???
Perkins' face sprayed with splinters and burning ash. Her back is bruised, but she'll be fine. Hope her face heals. So pretty.

Later
Tonne of dust went down my throat. Have big gash on my head, just above the ear. Henry Adams said helmet saved me. After it happened they took me to Dolphin First Aid afterwards. Everything fuzzy, bits missing, but lights were so very bright. Hurt my eyes and what was that echo in the room? Henry's voice. Damned lucky girl, it kept saying. Damned lucky. My lungs should have burst.
Later..
Head feels like a load of fighting drunks at pub closing.

Later…
Don't know time. It's dark and I'm on the bed with my leg bandaged up. Head is itchy, bottom numb. They said I landed in a patch of grass. Thank God the grass wasn't on fire!

Later
My chest is on fire. Keep coughing to get chunks of brick and mortar out of lungs but just feels like hot knives pushing on sides of my lungs. Mouth coated with plaster dust, leg throbbing in time with heart beat..

Later
It's day, but not sure which one. SO Harvey came to house this afternoon with First Aid personnel. We are as well as can be expected. Perkins doesn't want her mother contacted. I can't see the point of telling poor Auntie in Somerset. What could she do? Hope Mummy and Daddy can't see me now.

Later
Why can’t I remember? I should. I was there, wasn’t I? Harvey said we were caught in blast of monster landmine that came floating down on the end of a parachute. Happened between Cambridge and Alderney, near Charlwood. Perkins was thrown a short distance and pinned against box of DXP. I was blown 200 feet from ambulance and landed in someone's front garden. Cummings saw whole thing. Thought I'd bought it. She held on to a tree through blast and when it was over came running to find me. Said I was talking a load of old gibberish. Perkins says that all the time!
Dr. Henry Adams sent me off to Westminster Hospital but can’t remember much. Only smell of disinfectant and someone screaming. Pickering took me in the sitting car. Everything jumbled.

Friday 18th October

Twenty three dead in Alderney incident, but not me. Why? More than a hundred casualties. Terrible terrible injuries: dismemberment, burns from head to toe, objects through the chest, a real blood bath. I was one of them, but a lucky one. Can’t think why? I don’t deserve it. I’m a moaner.
Didn't know Jerry attached bombs to parachutes. Does he have any idea what these monsters do to people?